Okay, there are going to be SPOILERS so please don’t read this if you haven’t seen the film, and SPOILERS make you nuts. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS.

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Any of you remember how you felt when you watched Aliens 3 and you realized that they had killed Newt and Hicks? I do. I was furious, hurt, outraged. All of their effort and heroism had been wiped away with the stroke of a screenwriter’s pen. The Rise of Skywalk had a similar feel for me. It felt like Luke’s love and bravery, the courage to die rather than use his anger to win, and Vader/Anakin’s return to the light had just been erased because they brought back Palpatine. And I don’t really know why other than an attempt to make sure this movie felt familiar and safe, rather like warm bath water. If they didn’t want to have it ultimately be about Rey versus Kylo Ren then bring in a new threat. Use Timothy Zahn’s aliens out of the Unknown Regions the Grysk. There were other options beyond Palpatine.

This isn’t to say there weren’t great moments, and truthfully I enjoyed the film more the second time I watched the it. (I saw it on opening day at 10:30 at night in a packed theater. It was a remembrance of my friend Vic Milan, and also a reminder that Star Wars is the reason I’m a writer today and not a lawyer.) Chief among those great moments was the scene between Ben and Han. I loved Han’s simple line — “I know.” That was a perfect call back to an earlier film. And of course it doesn’t hurt that Adam Driver is just an amazing actor. I didn’t mind the nostalgia of Lando returning for one last hurrah. He was the first owner of the Falcon. He needed to be there, but the acknowledgement that his flying days were over was nicely bitter sweet. The final moments between Rey and Ben was lovely. Luke’s brief moment with Rey was nice, and I loved the homage to Yoda lifting XWing out of the swamp back in The Empire Strikes Back. (That scene is the reason I quit the law firm. “Do or do not. There is no try.:)

But there was just a whole lot of pandering going on which for me made the movie seem like it was in a defensive crouch, terrified that the on-line trolls would rip into it the way they did with The Last Jedi. Which for the record. I really liked that movie. It deconstructed myth, it took chances, it asked difficult questions. The problem for me with this film was that ultimately nothing mattered.

Chewie’s dead — nah, not really.

C3PO will lose all of his memories (Like he did after Anakin fell to the Dark Side), and never remember R2D2 or Luke, Leia, Han, etc. Nah, R2D2 will just reload his memory.

Rey was a nobody — Nope she’s Palpatine’s granddaughter. (Which I suppose in a metaphysical way would actually make her a Skywalker since Palpatine created Anakin out of the Force itself and implanted the embryo inside Shmi.)

Nobody came to help us before they won’t come this time — Yes they will. Lando sort of channeling James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams — “People will come Poe.” But why? Why did they come this time and not last time? It felt like they were trying to ignore the Last Jedi and I think that was a mistake.

And normally I don’t get too hung up on military logistics in a movie, but I sat there wondering how they financed building this absurdly huge fleet without anybody noticing? And how did they feed the troops? Exegol wasn’t exactly a garden planet. And they were stealing children to form their troops. Nobody noticed and reacted to this in 30 years? If so the New Republic really was as incompetent and corrupt as the Old Republic. Also, they sort of just casually destroyed all these ships filled with conscripted troops who had been stolen as children. Are we supposed to think that all of them were totally loyal, and Finn and the handful of defectors on Endor were the only ones who ever questioned their conditioning? Didn’t make the good guys seem all that good to just kill everyone.

I was really annoyed that Rose was basically written out of the movie. She had a powerful moment in The Last Jedi. “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” Here she was barely present. Because they didn’t have time or because of fear of trolls?

Whatever the relative merits of the prequels I would like to have seen Anakin in this film in some fashion. He was the first Skywalker. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. He should have been helping Rey along with Luke.

Ultimately I think the movies are just too big. Where my beloved Star Wars is working brilliantly is in the TV shows — Clone Wars, Rebels, The Mandalorian. Now admittedly I’m a television writer so I think it’s the best way to tell deep character driven stories, but Star Wars is such a rich universe I want to live in it. Wander around, drink in the cantinas, listen to an alien band, run with Hondo and some pirates, bet on a podrace. I don’t need spectacle. I need more of this universe I adore.

Because in a lot of ways it gave me this writer’s life that I love.